Thursday, September 11, 2008


And the classics from Doc (circa 1991 and 1992). Doc was our nickname for our Wind Ensemble conductor in college. Most of these quotes are in reference to a piece of music or the band playing a piece of music, and if you've never been in band they might not make much sense to you.

"Aw, diddle"

"You diddleheads!"

"bup, bup, bup, bup without varying a diddle."

"I sound vague because I don't know what I'm doing and I'm making it up as I go along."

"You sound like menopausal mothers."

"You flutes are getting off too much on that trill."

"B damned natural--and don't quote me on that!"

"Light in the sense of not heavy."

"And when you get to seven, you've arrived at seven!"

"Me hit things--make happy."

"You've got to stroke the bass drum like this."

"Just ignore me when I do that."

"I can't stand up here and emote all over the podium."


"What's the pervert?"

"We met the enemy and it was I, or whatever that quotation is."

"I mostly screwed up myself."

"You must sort of flip it off."

"Nowhere is it written 'thou must watch with pleasure.'"

"Pumpin' singin' sound"

"I want you to wait with your crescendo-hickey until 5."

"Don't be so quiet you scare the poo out of me."

"That was a joke. Obviously a poor one."

"The fact that no one had the wookies to come in after he missed his entrance scares me."

"You get to the piano and just go slug on me."

"Shut up, Frank."

"So if you could just grab ahold of yourself"

"I have not fortissimo, I have fortissississimo--very loud."

"Them that knows are by that time sayin' "Whoa!'"

"I will continue to bitch at you because I think you're old enough to handle it, and besides, it's fun."

"I wish I were Mr. Offenbach. No I don't, he's dead."

"Meno mosso. Many mosso. Little mosso."

"Sort of a Rite of Spring for whales."

"And if you don't read lips, I said, 'Silly fellow.'"

"This is something that must be felt in the gut, not the intellect."

"Whoopee! 180!"

"You people over here have got to get down. And you people have got to get...louder. Boy, I dodged the bullet on that one, didn't I?"

"Have you ever had that experience--ooh, they're growing--puberty!"

"You've just got to belch it out!"

"Just a fraction of a section--second. Boy if I had a playground I'd be so articulate."

"Horse puckeys!"

"Not to dump on you. That comes later."

"It has to make little bitty goosebumps pop up all over me body."

"Look, please, with a pencil."

"It's like falling out of the womb or something"

"You're going to have to have tongues, my sweet ones."

"Don't overdo it, it becomes barfy."

"For some unknown reason, I was entertaining myself."

"My stick doesn't work, and I can't see."

"And I'll retard more or less every time we do it."

"Rather than upchuck on me, go home."

"Oh God! Pull it out please!" (someone out of tune)

"All the emotional impact of an earthworm."

"Let's all regroup at 140."

"It was just a weird, unexpected sound, and I thought you'd commenced to hurt somewhere."

"I was going on instinct there because I really didn't know where I was."

"Sound, dammit! But pianissimo."

"Some of you, some of you, one of you's off."

"A certain sax player finally found a woman over 21. I know why, though... he got tired of paying a quarter every time a tooth came out."

"Herman my orangutan plays much the same way."

"Until you fell in the mud, that was pretty neat."

"What was I going to say? It was really intelligent."


Matt said...

Oh my God! Those were funny. I wasn't in wind ensemble, but I remember Doc. He was too funny. Great lines from that old fart!


Matt said...

Those were so funny! I didn't have Doc in college, but I remember that funny old fart!