Signs, Bumper Stickers, and Other

Here men from the planet Earth first set foot upon the Moon July 1969, A.D. We came in peace for all mankind.
Apollo 11 plaque left on Moon

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Seen on a bumper sticker

For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)

Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five isn't bad.
Help Wanted Ad, PA newspaper, 1994

Valentine's Day Sale: Ty-D-Bowl blue toss-ins.

Headline of the Day:
Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead

Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Sign in an auto repair shop

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Excerpts from a church bulletin

The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector.
Knight Rider News Service dispatch

Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane

We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.
Sign on bank

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)