Mark Twain

Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But, when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know."
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
Mark Twain

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Mark Twain