My Friends

Yes, you people at one time or another actually said these things. I figured, why keep these gems to myself? :)

* * *

From my co-worker Ciara, about two books:
"We have a Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend and an Amish Vampire in Space! What a great time to be alive!"

From my co-worker Terri as we were leaving work:
"Today was a good day... Except for the screaming."

Becky: A mom got a stripper for her son's 16th birthday.
Terri: Well, kids are afraid of clowns.



From Kevin Wells
Somewhere over there is that CD by that one band who sang that cool song."

How younger am I are you?

I am speechless in more ways than one.

(watching the Olympics) "This is either it or there's more to go."

(watching the Olympics) "So he'd better do really good. Otherwise he won't do very well."

(watching the Olympics) "Let's see if the girl who did the funny dance does any well."

"You've just read too many movies and stuff."

“I’ve been very quite like this for some time lately.”

“What do I say to ask you make question for me?”

“I am just a frickin' prickly fanged amoeba skittering around the deep end of the gene pool.”

“I can still make computers sing.”


Kevin's texts: Why translating voice to text can be confusing
Dispatch like a pothead icing on it doesn't it's not heat resistant



Marra Honeywell (co-worker)
When asked by a salesperson what she was looking for in a wedding dress: "I'm getting married in a barn and I want to be able to pee by myself."



From Kay Spears
"What a worse piece of acting I have never seen in my life was him."

"Because you're my husband and I the cooked."



From Edith Helbert
"I need someone to hold this baby so I can go get some tequila."

"It's some kind of cock."



From Lynn McKinlay Hall
“I realise a trip into my brain must be a terrifying experience but bear in mind - you are only visiting, I am trapped in here for life.”



From Matt Kanka
“It is a mean ole queeny jungle out there.”

“Oh, my gay stars!”



Kellieisms (Kellie Coy Hockemeyer)
"Tight little guys in white pants."

"Was he in Charter Beater too?"

"The G-force has got me!"

"When you get to run your fingers through it, then you can have a say."

"Must have been that amaretto sour."

"I am women, hear me roar."

"I am my own psychology experiment.”

"If I see a goat, I call it a goat, dammit."

"I think I'm glad you think you are, because I know I am."

"Why does everything always happen to me? Well, except for what happens to everyone else."

"I'll have boo hoo tears running down my face."



From Nicole Chandonet
"Flattery gets you laid."

"He's a male. He's supposed to feel inferior."



From Sara Lochner
"I'm not masculine. I carry a purse."

"You've got a really big scalp under there."




From James Lowe
"You can violate my aura anytime."



From Jeremy Kaylor
"If you have it in your mouth, you're halfway there." (about playing a piece of music on the clarinet)

"It's still there when we're now."

"That's me. I'm a big pink dot among a whole bunch of green ones."

"If you were a tree, I would want snow to stick to me too. But I wouldn't want to be concrete because snow doesn't stick to that."

"Jenny, Jenny, he's our man, if she can't do it, yaay!"

"I no no know what I say."

"I was hard laughing."

"How does it feel on the other end of the stick?"

"You hit the nail on the button."




From Stacie Pickett
"I wanna play with somethin.' Well, not that something, although it would do."




From www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com
“Try not to pee yourself with anticipation.”



From Sandy Screeton
“Look at all the butt heads in there.” (in reference to a smoking hut with cigarette butts scattered around - but also people!)

“Wow, I have a big rack!” (in reference to a new coat rack she'd just put up)

(sounding surprised) “They marked me as normal.” (in reference to a police report regarding a car accident she'd been in)



From Greg Motsinger
(Greg comes up with stuff on purpose and it's just too good not to be recorded somewhere.)

(from his e-mail signature, November 2008) The goat is a python institution. It seeks to inform, educate, entertain, and culturally enrich the entire pigeons by providing stoats and wily goat materials, prongs, and professional punks for tame triumph by all itchy.




From Sarai Spears
"He's at the Dicken's Dinner, doin' that Dicken kind of thing."

“You’re such an old stogie… I mean fogey.”

“My, but there certainly is a plethora of pop in the fridge.” (Which resulted in YEARS of teasing at family dinners)




And I have a couple of real beauts from Edith Cummings and Mandy Rush, but they aren't appropriate for family viewing. :)