Thursday, February 21, 2008

Why Are All the Pretty Girls So Angry?

Well, it was cycle 10's premiere of America's Next Top Model last night. Why are they all so angry? Why must they fight, threaten, and be held back by one another? Oh, the drama begins and competition hasn't even started yet.

There was the one who wanted to do a lap dance for Mr. Jay and sang her own stripper music, which sounded a lot like, “Eeeeeeyahhhhhh… eeeeeeeyahhhhhh… eeeeeeyahhhhh.” Then the one who admitted she had a crush on Mr. Jay (which is not going to happen, sweetheart). The one who tawlked about how she was gonna pimp out her new Impala, yo. And Marvita, there for the second time, confessing that if she hadn’t been in therapy for the past year she woulda hit that girl. Oh! Oh! And the one who sat there saying, “I’m a bitch. I’m a bitch. I’m a bitch.” And then Fatima said, “Okay, you’re a bitch.” And then the other girl lost control and had to be dragged away. And don’t forget Claire, who offered Tyra, Miss Jay, and Mr. Jay some of her breast milk.

But my favorite so far is little blonde chick. Kimberly. Bless her heart. I see good things in her future as an entertainer. She worked as a bank teller and Tyra asked if she’d ever taken money and she said yes and Tyra said, “You have? You’ve taken money?” And Kimberly says, “You mean *steal* money? Oh, no! That’s a federal offense.” Thanks, Kimberly. You’re a special girl.

Kevin – who was there under duress – said, “They all sound so…”

“Ditzy?” I supplied helpfully.

“Yeah…” he murmured, his eyes already going glassy.

THAT, my friends, is the allure of America’s Next Top Model. Tune in next week to see Tyra yell at someone in judging. I’m very excited.

No comments: