Tuesday, June 17, 2008

By Request: Sarai Vents, Part Deux

Apparently, someone out there reads my blog and likes me to vent. There was much disappointment at my lack of recent venting. I'm not going to name names or anything (Melissa Shimkus), but you know who you are.

So I have more to vent about. :)

I absolutely HATE those stupid fake deer people put in their front yards. The thing that strikes me as funny is you only see this in rural settings, where REAL DEER actually live. You never see fake deer on the lawns in the suburbs or inner city (though you do sometimes pass alarming lawns filled with all manner of junk, from manger scenes in the middle of summer to birdbaths to plastic flowers stuck in the grass pretending to be growing - I think these yards are designed to frighten would-be criminals into believing the owners are insane).

Fake deer. Why? WHY? Usually they are pointing toward the road, so as you approach and see it out of the corner of your eye you think there is a real deer getting ready to mosey in front of your car. This can lead to accidents, people! Two weeks ago, however, I spotted a fake deer family nestled most preciously in the shade of a tree. There was a mama deer, papa deer, and a couple of baby deer. They were all sitting on the ground, facing the tree as if to say, "Whew! Sure is hot out here! Thank goodness for this tree." Or perhaps they were worshiping the tree. I can't be sure. But the poor deer had a severe case of peeling paint. It must have been genetic, because the entire deer family suffered from it.

Another irritant is fake geese on porches, and sometimes in yards. Even better than fake geese, however, are fake geese wearing seasonal costumes. They sell these costumes in catalogs. I've seen them. You can buy one for every holiday. This was first pointed out to me by my friend Lynn in England, so it must be an international phenomenon.

And don't get me started on lawn cherubs. Okay. Naked children with wings and creepy smiles. Made of stone. Sometimes they don't have creepy smiles, but wear sad expressions. Because that's cheery to see in someone's yard. Always brightens my day.

That is my vent for the day. I made a list while we were traveling, so there are more vents to come. But my blog will not always be about venting.

Someday I'll get back to posting useless trivia. :)


MrsSnowQueen said...

Of course I read and enjoy your blog!
What about fake bunnies. I know they look cute, but I always stop to check them out thinking they are real. This one house we saw during our house hunt had the fake deer and bunnies.

Sarai said...

I haven't noticed the fake bunnies. Deer are easier to spot when traveling at high speeds down the highway. :)

Maybe I should get a fake jackalope to put in my yard. The best of both worlds combined into one.

Delia said...

Faake deer are better than the "bent-over, showing their butts, old couple" that my in-laws used to have. Ug! And the lawn cherubs are because cemeteries are so boring these days, with flat markers and uniform family stones. No statuary at all any more.

I haven't seen fake geese or bunnies, but look forward to your jackalope.