Oh. My. God. This will turn out to be a long post because I am going to totally steal someone else's post and put it here because I loved it so much.
For all you Twilight haters out there... You'll love this game.
ComicsAlliance's Twilight Drinking Game
Let's face facts here, folks: "Twilight" is not very good, but at this point, if you want to keep your fingers on the pulse of the pop culture community, familiarity with it is almost a requirement. That's why we've taken it upon ourselves to combine the first installment of the Twilight saga with the one thing that might almost get it to make sense: heavy drinking! Just pour a glass of your favorite adult beverage and read along, but be warned: If you actually do this, you will probably die, and you will definitely remember less about the book when it's over than when you started.
Take a drink whenever...
- Edward is described as one of the following: Pale, pallid, white, alabaster, ivory, faint, literally sparkling, like a thousand diamonds, incandescent, smooth, statuesque, glittering, scintillating, lavender, perfect, satin smooth, cool as stone.
Take two drinks when...
- He is three or more of these things in the same paragraph.
Take three drinks when...
- The word "butterscotch" is involved.
Finish Your Glass ...
- when he's compared to Batman.
Take a drink whenever...
- Stephenie Meyer offers a glowing, over-the-top description of how smart Bella is (i.e., having read every single book in the library by the age of 16) despite the fact that she's roughly as dumb as a bag of hammers in the actual story.
- Bella does something that sets feminism back by a decade, including (but not limited to) claiming she's too weak and clumsy to bother trying to fight off rapists, asking permission to think, apologizing for getting attacked by a vampire, and slipping immediately into blind obedience when a guy she's been on .5 dates with orders her to do things she doesn't particularly want to do.
Bella's got a great future ahead of her at the Nuremberg war crimes trials.
- Meyer references another work of literature like "Romeo & Juliet" or "Wuthering Heights" so you'll understand the subtlety she's trying to craft when she has characters actually say things like "I am dangerous for you to love!"
- You see the word "chagrin."
- You see the word "dazzle."
No one has used the word "dazzle" this much since Chris Claremont set the record in the spring of '80.
- The book goes out of its way to avoid showing anything resembling action that would advance the plot, to the point where there's a fight between good vampires and evil vampires going on, but the narrative follows Bella as she mopes around a hotel room three states away.
TAKE TWO DRINKS WHEN...
- Bella is rendered unconscious at the climax of the novel, meaning that she gets the life-changing events related to her later in the ultimate violation of the "show, don't tell" rule.
- A character displays great affection for Bella despite the fact that she spends most of her time yelling at her dad like she's angling for a spot on Maury's next "My Kid Is Out Of Control!" special and doing absolutely nothing to engender positive feelings in anyone (least of all the reader).
- Bella ridicules her parents for being concerned about her well-being.
- You wish the book starred the diabolical Biz Markie instead of Bella Swan:
- Meyer keeps herself from identifying characters by race, but still manages to work in stereotypes by having them speak like the jive-talking passengers from "Airplane."
- Meyer uses a phrase that sounds like a hilariously awkward sex metaphor, i.e.: "As I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat" or "It was very hard, in the morning."
- Meyer misuses the word "literally," as in "Forks was literally my personal Hell on Earth."
- The line "It's twilight" actually appears in the novel.
"This party was... great, Gatsby." "I don't know, Jules, it's like something out of a... pulp fiction."
TAKE THREE DRINKS WHEN...
- Meyer brings it back a second time for all the slow kids in the audience.
- Meyer spends the majority of a chapter recapping the previous chapter like a fifth-grader trying to meet the length requirement for a book report.
- Edward brags about how strong and dangerous he is, rather than doing anything that would be considered even remotely strong or dangerous.
- Edward sets off one of the Abusive Relationship Warning Signs, including...
-Does your partner check-up on you by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to?
-Does your partner blame you for his problems or his bad mood?
-Does your partner drive dangerously, or do other things to scare you?
-Have you lost friends or no longer see some of your family because of your partner?
-Are you afraid of your partner or afraid to break up?
FINISH YOUR GLASS when:
- He does five of the above in one chapter.
- You finish a chapter that does absolutely nothing to advance the plot.
- The driving conflict of the book finally arrives after 350 pages.
- You hit a chapter that reads like it was lifted verbatim from LiveJournal.
- When you hit the one part of the book that's actually not bad (Page 414, paragraph 3 of the MMPB edition)
- When the vampires do something that actually sounds exciting, and Bella acts like something other than a cardboard cutout whose only emotions are petulance and co-dependence.
Nah, just kiddin' about that last one. It never happens. The rest of them, however... well, you may want to apologize to your liver before you get started.
Taken from: http://www.comicsalliance.com/2010/03/17/twilight-drinking-game/